Fifty Shades Of Grey
Origin unknown

As the Friday evening darkened, I could see him imagining the ancient but mysterious ritual of the explosion of Sabbath lust. He loving1y licked the spoon clean of chicken soup as I distracted him by erotically fondling a large pickled cucumber located on the dinner table. Sacramental wine spilt from his lips as I eased a pair of chicken thighs onto his plate. He spread the thighs before pwposefu11y devouring them and then sucked a large piece of chicken breast into his mouth with one swoop of his darting tongue. The pace of his words over the Glace After Meals quickened as I massaged a loose piece of Glick's CHALLAH into a tight round ball cheekily pretending to place it in my mouth

He paced up and down the room like an excited bull as I put our 19 children to bed After changing Chaim and Moishe's nappies, I slipped into a cotton white gown In the light of the Sabbath candles; he could see the roundness of my hips as he suddenly removed his TZITZIT. I grabbed this garment, pushed him roughly onto the bed and firmly tied one end of the plain white cloth around his arm and then tightly to the bedpost He seemed surprised but I could see his excitement" becoming visible. I gently kissed the fingers on his loose right hand and removed his TEFILLIN straps from the bedside drawer. As I wrapped the leather roughly around his hands and tied them to a post he could barely contain himself. I whispered "You can't leave your hat on" and removed his fur hat, rolling it gently down his bare chest and placing it strategically over his groin. He pretended to struggle but his eyes filled with expectation. With one swift move, I straddled his hips and leaned over to his ear, my loose breast dangling invitingly near his mouth. In a hushed voice, I said "Menachem, I have a bit of a headache but BE-EZRAT-HASHEM, we can try again next month".