New Blockbusters to be released by Mel Gibson
Soon available from Netflix and PayPerView
by Shlomoh Sherman
November 2, 2010

Night of the Living Jews
On the first night of Passover, the residents of a California Jewish bungalow colony are turned into flesh eating zombies by eating matzoh. They then go on a night of rampage against good Catholic movie makers who like to dwell on the sufferings of Christ!

The Day The Jews Stood Still
Science fiction film that tells the story of a Hebrew alien visitor, Klaatju, who comes to visit the Earth with a warning, accompanied by his powerful robot, "Gornisht". Klaatju has neutralized electric power everywhere, with exceptions for bakeries making matsa and challa, making the world "stand still". Klaatju tells this nice Christian lady to go tell Gornisht, "Klaatju beracha nishtu!", magic words to stop the production of any movie with the title LETHAL WEAPON. His mission accomplished, Klaatju returns to his planet, forgetting to turn the electricity back on, resulting in all of humanity having no bread to eat except matsa and challa.

Romeo and Jewliet
When two young "Jewish-star-cross'd lovers", one Orthodox and the other Reform, fall in love, and their deaths ultimately unite their feuding families, Mel Gibson becomes so emotionally affected that he deicides to make a movie out of the story. It is filmed entirely in ancient Yiddish with Latin and Aramaic subtitles. In the final scene, the crowd attending the funeral of the lovers is heard to shout out, "Their blood be upon us and our children." Nominated for a Golden Globe award, it may well foreshadow Gibson's rehabilitation and comeback.

Jewlius Caesar
A tragedy by Tony and Shlomoh which portrays the Elders of Zion conspiracy to destroy the Mad Max movies. As Max is stabbed by the conspirators, he is heard to say, "Blow me and smile!" As he falls to the ground, blood oozing from the gaping wounds, he whispers, "Et tu, Oksana?"

The Jewfather
Hyman Roth and Mo Green make the audience an offer they can't refuse. Go see all the old Gibson movies or wind up with the head of a gefilte fish in their beds.

The police chief of Miami Beach tries to protect beachgoers from a money-lending shark by closing the beach, only to be overruled by the Jewish town council which wants the beach to remain open to draw a profit from tourists during the summer season. After several pounds of flesh have been extracted from the hapless tourists, the police chief enlists the help of a drunken hasbeen foul mouthed antisemitic Australian actor. After several telephone calls to the money-lending shark in which the Jew-hating actor drunkenly yells out racist and sexist obscenities, the shark sends out his goons and has the actor taken out to a local movie theater where he is tied down to his seat and forced to watch endless showings of FIDLER ON THE ROOF. Subtitles in Latin and Aramaic.

Nightmare on Jew Street
Set in an ultra-religious section of Brooklyn,NewYork, the plot revolves around several Chasidic teenagers who, if they fall asleep after eating nonKOSHER, will be killed by Mel Kruegenstein in their dreams, thus causing their deaths in reality. The teenagers are unaware of the cause of this strange phenomenon but can't seem to stop their craving for a Big Mac when their parents aren't looking. One night, when the teens [who have not already been killed] fall asleep, they have a simultaneous group dream in which Kruegenstein holds them in the middle of a gigantic burger bun and smothers them with cheese while maniacly laughing and yelling out, "Blow me and smile!". Probably there will be sequels..

This is an epic science fiction film written and directed by Mel Gibson set in a time when Jews are mining diamonds on Panshnora, a planet in the Aleph Gimel star system. The expansion of the mining colony threatens the continued existence of a local tribe of Goyim indigenous to Panshnora. Jewish forces destroy most of the pigs on Panshnora, depriving the natives of their chief source of food. But the Panshnorans are able to link mentally with the remaining swine, and together they fight back but suffer heavy casualties. Just when all seems lost, Pandshnran pigs suddenly join the attack and overwhelm the Jews which the natives interpret as their deity answering prayers. One of the Jews however falls in love with one of the native women and converts. To prove his love, he eats one of the swine. With the exception of that one converted Jew, all other Hebes are expelled from Panshnora. One leaves the theater wondering how the Panshnorans are able to speak Latin.

This is the third spy film in the Moishey Bondberg series. Investigating the arch money lender's smuggling activities, Bondberg uncovers a plot for the Jews to take over the Fort Knox gold reserve. The film features such famous characters as Meshugenerjob - Jewfinger's lethal Galitsiana manservant, and Pirgeh Galore - Jewfinger's personal pilot. Film shot in Yiddish with Aramaic subtitles.

Jew Blood
This television drama series, created and produced by Gibson, details the co-existence of Jewish vampires and goyim in a fictional small southern town. The series centers on a telepathic waitress who falls in love with vampire Hymie Compstein. Fearing that the vampires will suck the blood out of everyone in town, the waitress comes up with the novel idea of handing out crosses to everyone. One night when all the vampires converge at a local bar, the town's residents all pull out their crosses at the same time and the Jews take off, leaving a lone hidden Jewish werewolf to take revenge.

The Good The Bad and the Jewy
Three desparate men, Blondie, Angel Eyes, and Jewco, search for buried gold in the old west. Their search carries them to a Confederate graveyard where Blondie knows the gold is buried. They begin to enter the cemetary when Jewco declares, "Hey Blondie, I'm a cohen. I can't go in there. Will you bring out my share? Blondie and Angel Eyes enter the cemetary and immediately Blondie shoots Angel Eyes dead. Blondie later comes out with his share of the gold and tells Jewco, "Sorry partner. Your share was too heavy to carry." Jewco is left with the impossible choice of getting his share or keeping his priestly body pure. "Oh well", he says, "I can always give some money to TSEDAKAH and go to the MIKVEH." Watching Blondie ride off in the diatance, Jewco curses him in a rage by shouting "Hey Blondie! You know what you are? Just a dirty schmuck with earlaps!".

Dirty Jewy
One San Francisco policeman wants to make everyone in town, as well as everyone in the audience, make his day. As he tells one criminal whom he has cornered, Go ahead, schmuck. Mach mayn tog, schmuck. Well you got to ask yourself one question: “Do I feel lucky?” Well do ya, schmuck? The criminal tries his luck and, laughing maniacally, reaches for his gun. Dirty Jewy shoots him in the pupik. As Jewy watches the dead body float away, he takes out the cheeseburger hidden in his coat pocket and angrily hurls it into the water, and walks away.

Henry Frankenjew is a doctor who is trying to discover a way to make a golem out of pieces of dead bodies. With the help of his humpback pal, Igornisht, He succeeds and creates a monster that will insist on glatt kosher food, that is, when they finally are able to communicate. The monster opens his eyes and Henry shouts, "It's alive! It's alive!" - to which the monster replies, "Sha! Shray nisht. Du machst mir meshuge" [Hey, don't yell! You're making me crazy!] The monster is well meaning but his clumsiness leads to the unintentional deaths of several village people causing the village to start a pogrom which results in the Frankenjew castle being burned down. As the monster limps out of town to an unknown destiny, he is heard asking Igornisht, "How long do you wait between milk and meat?"

The Kike Runner
Little Shloimy and his friend Heshy try to leave the city of Kabul along with all the other Jews after kosher food is banned but the Taliban tell them to go fly a kite. They are taken to a local headquarters where they are treated shamefully. Heshy converts to Islam and agrees to wear a burka, and makes the first translation of the Koran into Yiiddsh, while Shloimy becomes a film maker, filming the first Yiddish version of Lethal Weapon. Subtitles in Pushtan, Parsi, Aramaic, and Latin.

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