High Holidays Seating Request Form - 2011

During the last holiday  season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a  seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.  
1. I would prefer to sit in the . . . (Check  one)   
______Talking section  
______No talking section
2.  If talking, which category do you prefer? (indicate order of interest)
_____ Stock market
_____  Sports
_____ Medicine
_____  Congregate' s secret medical tragedies
_____ General  gossip
_____ Specific gossip (choose)
_____ The rabbi
_____ The rabbi's  voice
_____ The rabbi's wife
_____ The  choir
_____ The rabbi's "secretary"
_____ Fashion news
_____ What others are  wearing
_____ Why they look awful
_____ Your neighbors
_____ Your neighbor's  relatives
_____ Prime Minister Brown
_____  Sex (Preference:______)
_____ Who's cheating on/having an  affair with whom
_____ Other:
3. Which of  the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
_____  Doctor
_____     Dentist
_____     Nutritionist
_____     Psychiatrist
_____    Child  psychiatrist
_____     Mother in law
_____     Pilot
_____     Podiatrist
_____     Chiropractor
_____     Stockbroker
_____     Accountant
_____     Lawyer
_____     Criminal
_____     Civil
_____    Estate  agent
_____     Architect
_____     Plumber
_____    Buyer  (Specify store:_____________)
_____    Sex therapist
_____    Golf pro (tentative: we're still trying to find a Jewish one)
_____   Other:_______________

4. I want to be seated (Indicate order of  priority)
_____    On the  aisle
_____    Near the  exit
_____    Near the  window
_____    In  Aruba
_____    Near the  bathroom
_____    Near my  in-laws
_____    As far  away from my in-laws as possible
_____    As far away from my ex in-laws as possible
_____    Near the pulpit
_____    Near the Kiddush  table
_____    Near single  men
_____    Near available  women
_____    Near anyone  who's available - I'm bisexual or just not particular.    
_____    Where no one on  the bimah can see/hear me talking during services.    
_____    Where no one will  notice me sleeping during services
_____    Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon  (Additional Charge)
5. Orthodox only - I would like a seat where:
_____    I can see my spouse over the mechitza_____    I cannot see my spouse over the  mechitza
_____    I can see  my friend's spouse over the mechitza
_____    My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people (limit of 6 names)
(If you  require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation)

Return To the Comedy Index

Return to the Website Home Page

Email Shlomoh