I consider myself a religious person. I always try my best to live up to the standards and requisites of my religion. So I always try my best to follow the commandments.

But you know, as well as I, that some of those commandments are so hard to keep. For instance, I know that there is a commandment that says: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ox.

You think that's an easy commandment to keep? I got news for you. It's NOT!

Look, last year, for my birthday, my daughter got me an ox. OK, so in my backyard in Ohio, I just let it graze in my big backyard.

But then I decided to move to Rossmoor. If any of you think that moving an ox from Ohio to New Jersey is easy, you are mistaken.

Then I had to know whether or not the management would let me bring an ox to Rossmoor.

Thankfully Dennis and Rosemary didn't make it a big issue. But Dennis did say that 'if you are bringing that beast here, make sure you keep it inside your manor, and if you bring it outside, make sure it's leashed." Thanks, Dennis.

Ok, so now I am here at Rossmoor. I am looking at that sickly, awful-looking animal that my daughter got me on eBay.
Obviously, then, it once belonged to someone else, and how do I know how many other people owned it? It looks like the previous owner didn't do such a good job taking care of it.

And then, to my horror, I notice that my next-door neighbor also has an ox. But, his ox is beautiful. It's one of the most handsome oxen I have ever seen. Well, how do you think I feel? Right next door from me is a great ox and mine looks like shit.

Now folks. I'm telling you I am trying to be a good religious person and obey the commandments but I just can't stop wishing that my neighbor's ox was mine. And of course, that makes me dangerously angry at my neighbor.

But, as a religious person, I have to control myself and try to show my neighbor that there are no bad feelings between him and me, I give him a blessing.

My blessing, I tell him: May someone really soon name a baby after you!

My debt to Jonathan Winters for this idea.