A Story about the Messianic Era
by Shlomoh Sherman

Man plans and God Laughs - a Yiddish Proverb

The unexpected had happened Unexpected, at least, in some quarters; anticipated and jubilantly received in others. After more than two millenia of constant and incessant prayers on the part of Christians the world over, Jews world-wide finally decided to accept Christianity. This decision had been reached unanimously by every Jewish man, woman and child old enough to understand, and as it all happened in one day, it was certainly perceived as a miracle by "old Christians" and "new Christians" alike. Naturally, since the Holy One, Blessed Be He, plays no favorites, the world's Hebrews were absorbed by Greek, Roman Catholic and various Protestant varieties of Christianity in equal measure. Seeing that the Supreme Being was still in contact with His world people, just naturally, (or perhaps, supernaturally) they agreed to be religious Christians and give their undivided loyalty to Christian religious leaders. Now as the saying goes, "Jews are just like everybody else, only more so", so the Christianized Jews also became religious than everyone else, only more so. And as any look at the history of conversion to Christianity in the Middle Ages will tell you, Jews made the best converts, proof being that as a group, they quickly rose to positions of power and preeminance in the various churchs, many becoming bishops and cardinals. Naturally, (supernaturally?) rabbis of all persuasions, (Creek, Roman Catholic and Protestant) were in demand, and their Word was likely to become Law.

Not shortly after the conversion of the Jews, there appeared ample opportunity for the reopening of the Gemara. Really, there was now so much more to comment on! And while Christians in general began to heat up the issue again of who had the "true" Christianity, (Catholic, Greek Orthodox or Protestant) their respective rabbis and Hebrew followers were getting together in order to decide such crucial issues as to whether or not Good Friday constituted part of CHOL HA MOED between PESACH and Easter or whether it was in its own right, after all, a full CHAG, and if so, was it permissible to prepare on it for Easter Sunday, seeing that SHABBAT intervened? And did the period between Easter and 8th day PESACH constitute a separateCHOL HA MOED or was it simply a continuation of the first period between Pesach and Easter?

With immense problems such as these, they barely had time to pass decisions relating to the HALLACHIC requirements of Xmas trees and decorations. (Something that demanded a complete tractate in itself.) Or the legal status of Halloween! Oi vey! Before people had a chance to wonder about these goings on, they were informed that since the messianic era had truly arrived, all secular languages were no longer fitting for use in studying and praying, everyone would have to learn Hebrew. The people in the streets of MEA SHEARIM didn't mind that too much. After all, they were used to thinking from right to left. But in the streets of Rome, Chicago and Beruit, faint rumblings of annoyance were beginning to be heard.

Well, (super)naturally, sooner or later, the old question about whether or not one could be a real Christian without being circumcized had to pop up again, and when it did, many people felt as if old wounds were being opened up. After all, hadn't that already been decided by St.Paul in his various epistles? Yes, that was true enough, but that only raised the question as to whether the writings of St.Paul were really valid and should they be included in the canon? After all, didn't everybody say that when it comes to religious matters, Jews know what their doing? Hadn't the Pope announced that the flesh and blood brothers of the Savior were especially inspired by He who spoke and the world came into being? And after all, wasn't YESHUA, King of the Jews, himself circumcised? Wouldn't he logically expect the same from his fololowers? Of course he would!

Nu! Could the zealous Christian rabbis be blamed if they saw written in the Book that it was incumbent upon all Christians to eat only ritually slaughtered animals, and only those that are KOSHER? (Act 15:29)? Oh no! Not with these post Pandemic meat prices! Yes, everybody knows that there is a story in the scripture telling that the disciple Peter was told by Heaven to eat nonKOHER animals. But really! Doesn't everyone know that that story never happened but was inserted into the scripture by unscrupulous people who love their pork chops?

Gentile Christians were really beginning to have their doubts about the advantages of a messianic era. Suddenly it was announced that Jesus was in favor of following all 613 Big Ones, MITSVOT, and you know if it was good enough for him, then- OF COURSE! Also James, Jesus' brother, in his epistle, had said that only through doing MITSVOT could people be assured of salvation.

Gentile Christians the world over were already throwing up their hands in despair.But it was too late. The Sabbath was already being changed from Sunday to Saturday. Men had to get used to wearing hats all the time and putting on tefillin [phylacteries].

Now theological questions were being dealt with. Trinitarianism was against the true nature of G-d. The religion had to be cleaned up. Protests and demonstrations were being held all over the world. There was no basis for the belief in the Virgin Birth. Every Jew knew that the messiah was a real person born in the natural way, not some demigod sired by the Creator of the universe. That just sounded too much like Greek and Roman mythology. Riots were breaking out and the police of every country had their hands full maintaining order. No HALLACHIC authorization or warrant could be found for a beleif in a messianic resurrection.

The Pope in Rome received threatening letters from overly miltant zealots who demanded that he step down as a Christian leader The new miraculous Christianity demanded a Jewish leader, a super Rabbi because YESHUA said [Matthew 15:26] It is not right to take the bread out of the childrens' mouths and throw it to the dogs!. Christian Jewish religious leaders were working day and night to make their new found faith GLAT KOSHER. The next question to be dealt with was whether Jesus was really the same messiah expected by the Jewish People. All hell broke loose in Europe. In Jerusalem, the religious leaders closed their books.

It was time to recite the evening SHEMA.

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