HOW THE JEWS STARTED EATING CHINESE ON CHRISTMAS
a Morality tale which is a very TRUE story!
By Shlomoh
12-25-13

Once there was an old Jew and an old Chinaman, sitting around talking.
The Chinaman said, "You know? Our culture very old. Our history go back 4000 year.
The old Jew responded, "So vot? Our history go back 5000 year.
The Chinaman blinked in amazement. He said, "5000 year? Tell me. What you people do for dinner Christmas first thousand year?

So the old Jew told the following story which is the actual true history of the Jewish MINHAG [Tradition] of eating Chinese on Christmas.

First of all, he began, there was the first 200 years of the first thousand years. During that time, the Jews were trying to decide if they even wanted to be Jews. Some like Isaac and Jacob said yeah, sure we want to be Jewish. Some like Ishmael and Esau said, nah, we don't need to be Jews. But most of them said, yes, we want to be Jewish.

Once that decision was made, they started arguing about what kind of Jews they wanted to be be, Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform. Just then an angel came down and said, You people want to know what kind of Jews to be? I'll tell you. For the next 400 years, you will be slave Jews!Well, that took care of the first 600 years with Jews not worrying about what to eat at any time, much less Christmas - which, by the way,hadn't yet even been invented. The Egyptians just threw them some stale matsa and horseradish, and said - eat and shut up - we need this pyramid finished before Pharaoh comes back from his weekend of whoring in Babylon.

So that left just 400 more years to worry about. The old Jew scratched himself and continued.

Well Moses goes up Mt Sinai and HASHEM gives him 614 commandments. He is looking at the commandments and says, Lord, I kinda get the first 613 and even though I can't yet figure out why we cant wear wool-cotton clothes or why we can't eat lobster, sooner or later I think I will figure it all out. But this last one, YOU SHALL NOT EAT THE FOOD OF THE CHINESE! - I don't get it. Who are the Chinese and what foods do they eat?

So Moses came down off the mountain and said to the Jews, Folks, we got 614 commandments from HASHEM. Look 'em over and tell me what you think.

So the Jews looked them over and said to Moses, Holy Moses! We kinda get the first 613 and even though we can't yet figure out why we cant wear wool-cotton clothes or why we can't eat lobster, sooner or later we think we will figure it all out. But this last one, YOU SHALL NOT EAT THE FOOD OF THE CHINESE! - I don't get it. Who are the Chinese and what foods do they eat?

You got me, said Moses. Then he told the Jews, Hey, I got an idea. Let's write down the first 613, and this last one about the Chinese food, let's just keep it oral till we figure it out. So that's how the TALMUD began with that first oral commandment.

Anyway, time passed and the scroll with the commandments got lost and the Jews completely forgot about the commandments. Then one day, some priests are going through the Temple and they find a wall that they never noticed before. They rap on the wall and the whole thing falls down and guess what? There, behind the wall, the scroll with the 613 commandments is laying on top of a table. The priests take the scroll and show it to the king. He looks at it and says, Holy Moses, this is stuff we were supposed to be doing for the last 400 years. Ok, let's start doing these 613 things right away. And so they did.