Sofie Unclear
[A Story of a Very Troubled Woman] By Shlomoh
Febrary 19, 2010


Sofie has led a very unhappy life and because she is highly intelligent and has been the recipient of bad treatment both as a child from her parents and as an adult from men with whom she has lived, she no longer knows how to treat amyone with real consideration. She has an unrealistic view of herself and calls herself a sweet young woman. However she is neither sweet nor young any more.

Sofie is not quite 40 years old yet she has had 3 failed marriages and 2 failed engagements and is currently working on her 3rd failed engagement. She does not know how to live with a man in a relationship of mutual respect and therefore sooner or later she and her significant other break up.

She claims to be a religious woman but her religiosity shifts and blows with the winds of fate. When life treats her kindly she praises God and her people. Otherwise she ignores both. This is unfortunate because she has a teen aged daughter who very much wants to be involved with the religious community which is Sofie's heritage. But no one really seems to have the wherewithall to help he with this. Her last lover, Stan the Man, did help in this respect but once Sofie rejected him, no one took up the slack.

Sofie worked at a fast food restaurant in NorthWest Odella in the small town in which she lived. When she met her new lover, the Dark Knight, she abandoned all reason and began to act in an irrational manner. She had dinner with Stan the Man and related intimate thngs regarding herself and her new lover which made the former one very uncomfortable but being the nice person that he is, he listened patiently and tried really hard to hide his extreme discomfort.

Sofie went on and on about her new lover. He is a married man and his pastor, Pastor Hog,  had told him that since he had a new romantic interest, he would immediately have to leave his domicile, get a new apartment in the town in which he lived, retract any promises of matrimony which he had made to Sofie, and refrain from sexual behavior with her. The pastor had also told him that Sofie needed a divorce from Stan the Man with whom she had cohabitated for three years. According to to strict relgious law, when a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, they are considered religiously married, and should Sofie have sexual relations with another man before she obtained a divorce, she would be cosidered an adultress by the religious community, and the particular town in which the Dark Knight lived with his wife; the religious community was small and everybody sooner or later knew everything about everybody else.

Nevertheless, true to form, Sofie has very little, if any, discretion at all. On the last evening that she met with Stan the Man to have dinner at a local restaurant, she told him things which were improper and inappropriate to relate.

Stan the Man just wants to close his ears and run away while Sofie reveals how wonderful it is to be with a black man; - he has a wonderfully developed body replete with muscles and an accordingly wonderful tool, and oh yes, she always hated felatio - but - with HIM, she loves to suck away! And here is "our song". And he says, "I thought the pastor told him not to have sex with you. And she smiles and says, "Yes, he said to me that it would be ok with him if we practiced abstinance but I said to him, 'Well baby, if I were a lady, I'd say - right! Let's practice abstinance. But I'm no lady and I want you inside me!"

Oh terrific, Sofie, and what about the fact that he is a married man and how about the fact that you were told that you need a divorce from Stan the Man? Sofie has no response to that. As usual, whenever something disturbs her, she just zones out and stares into space.

Oh, she also has to tell Stan about all the things that the Dark Knight will do for her. He will send her to school to become a doctor; he will support her in a financial style to which she is unaccostomed; he will help her obtain custody of her young daughter. She thinks of him as the Dark Knight. Actually he is Crazy Eddie. HIS PROMISES ARE INSANE!   But one more thing. Sofie wants to have a mulatto baby with Crazy Eddie as she approaches her 40th birthday. She would be lucky if a little retarded piccaninny doesn't drop out of her aging womb what with all the tobacco and alcohol she refuses to stop consuming.

And so the evening ends and he determines that he will not contact her again. He will wait for her to contact him if she has anythnig else to say. He does not expect to hear from her very soon.

And he gets a surprise. Within 3 days she texts him. She asks him to remove all of her writings which he has posted on his website. She is very curt when he asks her what is the matter. She says, simply, I don't want them on your site anymore.

Stan attempts to call her several times that evening but she will not pick up for his call. Several hours later, Stan receives a call from Crazy Eddie who says that Sofie has informed him that Stan the Man is harrassing her. Harrassing her?, Stan asks incredulously. What? How am I harrasing her? I should speak to her.

Oh no, says Crazy Eddie. Right now she does not have positive feelings regarding you.

What did I do to her to make her mad?, Stan the Man wants to know.

Well, says Crazy Eddie, Just leave it be for now. I will be sending you an email shortly and I want you to read it and get back to me. It's about something you wrote that makes me very unhappy.

Stan the Man is taken aback. What? Both of them are pissed at him? He tells Crazy Eddie earnestly, Look man, I don't know what I supposedly did but if I hurt your feelings or those of Sofie, it was unintentional and I am sure that it can be strainghtened out.

I'm glad to hear that, Crazy Eddie responds, Meanwhile, don't try to contact Sofie. She doesn't want to hear from you.

Stan the Man is really down. What is going on?, he wonders.

Several days later, Crazy Eddie sends Stan the man a very disturbing, nasty, insulting email in which he excoriates Stan for being a bad person, insincere in his affections, meanspirited, and sexually abusive towards Sofie. Oh Jesus. What a thanks for being a friend to Eddie and to Sofie. Yes, Sofie sure enough told Eddie that Stan the man is a bad man and has assaulted her during sex and even sent her to the hospital one time by choking her during sex.

Now this is patently absurd. Sofie may have gone to the emergency room once when she began to suffer chest pains during intercourse - but that had nothing to do with Stan the Man. It had to do with Sofie's ongoing state of bad health, heart problems, diabetes, etc.

Nevertheless, Sofie and Crazy Eddie went and told pastor Hog that Stan the man is a sex offender of the worst sort and dangerous to any community in which he finds himself. Now in the ensuing months, many people wrote to pastor Hog, telling him that Sofie is an unstable person whose word cannot be believed, and also that Stan the man is a man incapable of violence towards anyone, much less a female.

But pastor Hog is piggishly stubborn and believes Carzy Eddie and Unclear Sofie despite all evidence that she is a liar and he is an unmitigated fool.

So Stan the man is excommunicated from pastor's place without a chance to speak in his pown defense. This leads Stan to be persistent about not being excommunicated. What comes of Stan's persistence? Hog takes out an order of protection againt him. Now Hog has turned Stan the Man into Stan the Liar and Stan the Criminal. Stan does not want to be a criminal anywhere and so he agrees never to darken the hog's place again. Sofie has successfully gotten Stan disqualified as a member of the community in good standing, or in any standing for that matter. It turns out that the hog is as stupid as Eddie and as mean as Sofie. But Sofie's dung-eating triumph is short lived. Divine Justice rears its ugly head.

Sofie and Crazy Eddie show up to worship at the congregation and people there are aghast! What is Crazy Eddie doing with Sofie and where is Stan the Man, they wonder. Soon the story comes out. The whole awful story. Many of the congregants are horrified and they address Hog to inquire why he has unceremoniously excommunicated Stan without at least talking to him to hear his side of the story. But, a pig is pig, and one without humility is doubly swinish. Hog becomes indignant that anyone is questioning his authority and his right to be a meanspirited hypocrite. It's out of my hands, he says, without much conviction. He just doesnt want to deal with it because he is incapable of dealing with it and it is beneathe him to ask for a second opinion from anyone.

But the worst is yet to come for him and for the entire congregation.

Crazy Eddie, a married man with minor children, one of whom is emotionally disabled, has left his wife and is now living in adulterous sin with Unclear Sofie. It is an infamia as far as the congregants are concern and they express their indignity to Hog that he has excommunicated Stan the Man while allowing the adulterers to attend, unashamedly displaying their unholy alliance. The dissent rises as the two continue to publicly show themselves at services. And the dissent is vocalized to Hog over and over again. Finally one Sabbath day, a Russian woman who hates Crazy Eddie and Sofie arises at lunch and curses the pitiful pair loudly in front of Hog and everyone in attendance. She becomes Krushev, removing her shoe and banging on the table at which they are sitting.

To Eddie: You are a son of a bitch scumbag.

To Sofie: You are a white trash whore and no woman here wants you sitting near her. In fact, no one wants you here! Stone the aduteress!

Sofie is completely humiliated and to add insult to injury, Hog tells Eddie and Sofie to leave and not come back "till things quiet down" which means never.

Completely emotionally battered, they leave and Sofie is royally pissed off at everyone there including Crazy Eddie who is not crazy enough to say anything.

Sofie is struck dumb. No one says anything. The Russian woman walks out. Even Hog says nothing.

On the drive home, Sofie becmoes pissy with Crazy Eddie who did and said nothing to defend her. She is completely humilated and will not return to the congregation. So much for her evil plan to have Stan the Man excommunicated. Hog "advises" both of them to stay away "for awhile."

Things then progress from bad to worse.

By year's end, one unstable woman had managed to destabilize an entire religious community and get herself and the so-called Dark Knight shunned. But more. Sofie manages to begin annoying her bosses at work by regaling them with her new-found religious convictions. Finally, because she won't relent on that, she gets fired. Crazy Eddie is pissed.

"We need the money you were making", he admonishes. "But I did all this religious stuff for you, my ebony honey", she protests. His smirk is enough to tell her, "Thanks for nothing!"

Now this must be divine justice! Crazy Eddie and Dirty Sofie are left without friends, without money, without a community. And Pastor Hog is left with a diminished congregation when his congregants leave the community, disgusted by how he has handled this nightmare. Happy New Year, bastards!

Some time after this, Stan the Man visits Warren, Sofie's ex-husband. With a look of disgust, he tells Stan that he no longer has anything to say to Sofie and no longer talks to her. Sofie can forget about ever taking custody of their little golden girl. Warren says, "When she and that nigger break up, she can come back here and be my maid and my cook, and maybe I'll let her eat me when I get horney.!"

Oh and Warren will exact revenge on her for leaving him and for living with and shacking up with a "nigger" as he would put it. He wil lexact revenge IN SPADES! She who would be the pious Queen of NorthWest Odella, wound up being the Chicken McNuggets clown there.

Sofie, sometimes called Clear, is the one human being with the least amount of clarity in her life of anyone Stan ever knew.

When all was said and done, Stan the Man could only echo the words of the Sharon Stone character in the film, CASINO:
"I should've never have gotten mixed up with Sofie. She's a Gemini, triple Gemini. Gemini's a snake, you can't trust the snake."


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